Tuesday, November 06, 2012
I HEART U
"Well, how should I start this one?"- These are the words came out from my mouth while I'm holding a specialized paper and a pen on my hands. Maybe you're guessing what I'm might thinking as of this time, well then, I'll tell you. I am actually and seriously, consciously making a love letter. A love letter, huh? I would laugh also myself if I could hear these words because it's my first time to ever write like this one. These things are new to me, actually, but I'll admit that i love it. I love the way how I write my never-had-been told feelings before, I love the way my heart beats for every confessions that I'll soon to be unfold. But despite of all this lovely feelings that I'm having now, I also have this so-called nervousness here in my heart. No, I'm not really nervous unto something. I am afraid. I'm afraid to look embarrassing. I'm afraid that he would reject me, and to be not loved by someone who has my heart in his hand.
Still, beyond this fears of mine, I continued writing those things that I think I need to burst out. I closed my eyes, inhaled deeply, and exhaled, and had started to write my love letter.
Hi? Maybe you’re thinking why I wrote a letter for you. Well, if you don't know, I'll tell you. This might not look like one but it is really a love letter. Yes, it is a love letter. And it's personally for you. Are you shock? I can't blame you. It is not really my style to be like a flirt one or let's say to be just showy of what my feelings are (just not to offend others) to someone I used to like, I used to love. And I hope what I said will let you understand my point. I am really a shy girl when it comes to love. For my almost 18 years of living here on earth, I'm just letting those chances to pass in my way. I almost had it in my hands but I didn't grab it because of my anxieties and insecurities. Now, that I think I am matured enough to know that time is really short to people, I decided to write this one.
You may be asking, “How could this girl managed to like me? Though I'm not good to her?" Well, I'm not saying you're rude to me but- uh...Yeah. Maybe a little.And those times might be just so romantic for me to think that you’re already making the freak get out from me. You know I'll always smile even if you're hurting me verbally, and I hope you had noticed that one. Going back to what I was saying, I fell in love with you without thinking a single word to answer the question “why?"
I keep telling these to myself, that by the time I am given the chance to tell you what's within, I'll surely would say, " I love you, and please don't ask for the reasons why. I just like and love you the way I knew you, I love the way you snob at me, tease me, talk to me. You make me always smile, you make me worried every time you're not around, you're making me inspired to write stories and compose a certain song, your making my day complete with just your smile.
So, this might be the end? Thanks for the time you spare just to read this. I love you my friend.
I sighed and smiled after I reviewed what I wrote. Looking at the sky this night, as the stars shone so bright in the midst of darkness, I know that tomorrow would be a good day. Tomorrow would hopefully my special day.
I slept that night with a wide smile. But I don't know why tears fell down...after a while.
The next morning, I woke up and got to school wearing a smiling whole of me. As I entered the classroom for that day, one of my close friend/ classmate approached me with a curious face.
“Good morning, Jim!” I started the greetings to him. “Hi." The only word he managed to say to me. Oh, well, I think I'll be the one to be so curious now by the way he acts. For the benefit of the doubt, I asked. "Jim? What's with that face? Having problems?" He the laughed! “Oh well, no. I'm not really having any problems. I'm totally fine. The thing is you." I became completely aback. “Me? Uh-what's with me?" “Well, here my friend. By the time you entered this messy classroom of ours you seem to be not having a single problem in your mind. As you know, look- all of our mates are so haggard for those damn assignments, projects and etc. But here you are, as what I saying, not was having any one of it. So just I thought then, maybe something good happened to you? And I wouldn't like it if you don't share a bit."
“Whoa! Come down, Jim. Ah...well, something good might happen this day." I just smile. “Might?" he repeated that word. “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What do you mean by that?" He came close to me while he wore that really intriguing face of him. But again I just have my sweet smile and said, “well, this is the day!" I loudly whispered to him, letting him sight a single piece of that letter. He just gave me a wry smile and said," Oh. So that's it." he became still on his chair and said not looking to me, “so good luck to you then, my friend."
And what’s his problem anyway? It's not normal for him to give a good luck to me without even giving me a smile or a simple look? Oh, Jim. Just don't add up to my nervousness now.
That after noon, I was about to go to Ryan's room to tell him every thing I planned to say.
I'm happily walking on the corridor while excitedly holding the letter on my right hand, when I heard someone said yes, so loud.
"It's from his room." I said and hurriedly look what's inside. And before I could set my eyes on him, tears rolled down my cheeks. There is him, holding his love. And in seconds he had her lips.
I want to go, but my feet won't follow me. I just closed my eyes letting the hurtful tears flowing freely. Ryan might see me if it hadn't been because of Jim. He's there I know. He's following me. And now he had me around his arms as I silently cry for the lost of my heart.